Me vs. FVB
Sooooo……… FVB has developed a bit of a stubborn streak. Seriously, I thought this didn’t happen until he was 2 or something. I must have skipped over this chapter in child development because WOAH. I was not prepared for this attitude! Of course, I’m forever trying to get sh*t done around the house, and FVB is forever trying to UNDO sh*t around the house. I gently try to redirect him, but it’s often met with either: A). serious cry face/actual crying or B).arching, flailing, or stiffening of the body. Or a fun combo platter of A and B. Read on to see how what I want to be doing compares to what FVB wants to be doing.
*NOTE: I use the term “want” here very loosely. What I want to be doing is usually either drinking coffee (hot), drinking wine (room temp), or reading quietly in a corner.
OK, here goes!
What I Want To Be Doing: Unloading/Loading the Dishwasher
What FVB Wants to Be Doing: Emptying all utensils out of the dishwasher and carrying them around (preferably butter knives), shoving them in the dogs’ faces, or smashing them unto any nearby surface. And/or climbing onto the dishwasher and pulling the entire bottom rack out onto himself.
What I Want To Be Doing: Changing FVB’s diaper
What FVB Wants to Be Doing: Standing up on his changing table, looking out the window and/or trashing/twisting/spinning his body in such a way that makes getting a clean diaper on impossible and preferably smears poop all over.
What I Want To Be Doing: Laying in bed for 5 minutes (or 2, I’d take 2) after I first open my eyes for the day. Just to get myself accustomed to the world and all its loud sounds and bright lights. I just LITERALLY need a minute before I can speak/be present.
What FVB Wants to Be Doing: Crawling all over/off the bed, pulling up on his crib rails, walking on his mattress, pulling off my glasses, examining my face by sticking his fingers in my noses/eyes/mouth, pulling my hair, or slapping any part of my skin that makes the loudest SLAP sound.
What I Want To Be Doing: Sitting on the living room floor, drinking coffee while supervising a quiet baby who is playing quietly with his quiet toys
What FVB Wants to Be Doing: Walking around the house at break neck speed, carrying the heaviest object he can find (usually one that plays a loud song with flashing lights). OR, terrorizing the dogs by shoving said heavy/loud object into their faces while emitting a high, dolphin like squeal.
What I Want To Be Doing: Making a meal
What FVB Wants to Be Doing: A few options here….. either A).taking a regular kitchen object that I’ve given him to distract him and using it to smash whatever food items I am preparing or B). attempting to launch himself off of the counter in search of something more interesting to do.
What I Want To Be Doing: Eating my breakfast while supervising a baby who sits in his high chair and eats HIS breakfast
What FVB Wants to Be Doing: Smashing/smushing/smearing any food objects on his tray, then rubbing them unto his face or clothes, pushing his food off of his tray so that the dogs can eat it (or, his new favorite, feeding the dogs his food right off of his spoon), or arching and crying about being in his chair in the first place.
He is lucky that he is SO STINKING CUTE.
Hubs left for Florida this morning, where it’s 87 degrees, there is a pool, and he will have a whole bed to himself. He will also drink, socialize with adults, and work out. Oh, and I guess he’ll be working since it is a work trip. I’m just a tad jealous, as there is snow on the ground here, it’s freezing, and my companion while he’s gone can’t talk yet. BUT, my mom, sister, and nephew are arriving tomorrow and will be here all weekend to play, so I can’t complain TOO much about being alone for 24 hours with a baby. Hubs also works really, really, really hard to keep us fed, clothed, and sheltered. He deserves a work retreat in a warm, sunny place. Do they offer work retreats for Stay At Home Moms? I think I should start one.